[ROCK MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME,
WELCOME, WELCOME
TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT."
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR JOINING US.
IT HAS BEEN YET ANOTHER
HECTIC WEEK, FROM WILDFIRES
IN CALIFORNIA TO CONTINUING
PROBLEMS IN PUERTO RICO
TO MORE HORRIFYING DETAILS
CONCERNING HARVEY WEINSTEIN.
AND IT'S NOT JUST HIS BEHAVIOR
THAT WAS TROUBLING.
IT'S THE WAY THE PEOPLE AROUND
HIM EXCUSED HIS BEHAVIOR.
AND NOTHING'S MORE EMBLEMATIC OF
THAT THAN THE STORY
TOLD BY ACTRESS ANGIE EVERHART.
>> SHE SAYS WHILE SHE WAS
SLEEPING ON A BOAT AT THE CANNES
FILM FESTIVAL, WEINSTEIN BROKE
INTO HER ROOM AND MASTURBATED
IN FRONT OF HER.
>> I TOLD PEOPLE ON THE BOAT.
I TOLD PEOPLE AT THE DINNER
I WAS AT, AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE,
"OH, THAT'S JUST HARVEY."
>> John: WHAT THE FUCK?
SO EVERYONE KNEW, AND THEY JUST
WENT WITH IT?
"YEAH, HARVEY'S GONNA BURST INTO
YOUR ROOM AND MASTURBATE.
THAT'S JUST HARVEY."
HE'S LIKE A SEX-CRIMINAL VERSION
OF THE KOOL-AID MAN.
AND WHILE MOST NOW HAVE
CONDEMNED WEINSTEIN'S BEHAVIOR,
INCREDIBLY, SOME INITIALLY TRIED
TO DEFEND HIM, FROM OLIVER
STONE, WHOSE FIRST RESPONSE WAS,
"IT'S NOT EASY WHAT HE'S GOING
THROUGH," TO LONGTIME FRIEND
DONNA KARAN, WHO TOOK AN
INCREDIBLE TACK.
>> HOW DO WE DISPLAY OURSELVES?
HOW DO WE PRESENT OURSELVES
AS WOMEN?
WHAT ARE WE ASKING?
ARE WE ASKING FOR IT?
IT'S NOT HARVEY WEINSTEIN.
YOU LOOK AT EVERYTHING, ALL OVER
THE WORLD TODAY AND HOW WOMEN
ARE DRESSING AND WHAT THEY'RE
ASKING BY JUST PRESENTING
THEMSELVES THE WAY THEY DO.
>> John: EXCUSE ME?
ONE, THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
APPALLING.
AND TWO, HOW WOULD DONNA KARAN
KNOW HOW WOMEN ARE DRESSING
RIGHT NOW?
IT'S NOT 1993.
HER MOST RECENT WORK
INCLUDED THIS HAT.
"WELL, HOWDY THERE,
YOUR EXCELLENCY!
IF IT AIN'T PIOUS THE KID,
THE COWBOY POPE!"
NOW, BOTH STONE AND KARAN DID
LATER APOLOGIZE FOR THEIR
REMARKS, AND JUST YESTERDAY,
THE MOTION PICTURE ACADEMY
MADE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.
>> THE BOARD OF GOVERNORS VOTING
OVERWHELMINGLY TO EXPEL THE ONCE
POWERFUL AND FEARED PRODUCER,
SAYING THE ERA OF WILLFUL
IGNORANCE AND SHAMEFUL
COMPLICITY IN SEXUALLY PREDATORY
BEHAVIOR AND HARASSMENT
IN OUR INDUSTRY IS OVER.
>> John: YES, FINALLY.
THE GROUP THAT COUNTS AMONG
ITS CURRENT MEMBERS
ROMAN POLANSKI, BILL COSBY
AND MEL GIBSON HAS FOUND THE ONE
GUY WHO TREATED WOMEN BADLY
AND KICKED HIM OUT.
SO, CONGRATULATIONS, HOLLYWOOD!
SEE YOU AT THE NEXT OSCARS,
WHERE, AND THIS IS TRUE,
CASEY AFFLECK WILL BE PRESENTING
BEST ACTRESS!
SO FOR NOW, LET MOVE ON
TO PRESIDENT TRUMP:
THE SILVER LINING FOR ANYONE
WHO DIED IN 2015.
HE SPENT HIS WEEK CONTINUING
EFFORTS TO SABOTAGE OBAMA-ERA
POLICIES, BEGINNING WITH
THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT.
FIRST, HE SIGNED AN
EXECUTIVE ORDER INTENDED TO MAKE
IT EASIER FOR PEOPLE TO BUY
CHEAPER, SHITTIER HEALTH CARE
PLANS, WHICH, BASED ON
HIS SIGNATURE, HE DID BY PUTTING
A PEN IN HIS MOUTH AND HAVING
A SEIZURE.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,
HE ALSO DECIDED TO ELIMINATE
$7 BILLION IN SUBSIDY PAYMENTS
TO INSURANCE COMPANIES,
SUBSIDIES WHICH HELP OFFSET
HEALTH CARE EXPENSES FOR AROUND
7 MILLION AMERICANS, AND
REDUCE PREMIUMS FOR MANY MORE.
AND THE RESULTS OF THAT COULD BE
SEVERE.
>> THE NONPARTISAN CONGRESSIONAL
BUDGET OFFICE HAS ESTIMATED
ENDING THESE SUBSIDIES WILL
PUSH UP PREMIUMS BY ABOUT 20%
IN 2018 AND ACTUALLY ADD
$200 BILLION TO THE DEFICIT
OVER TEN YEARS.
>> John: YES, TRUMP'S PLAN IS
GOING TO MAKE INSURANCE MORE
EXPENSIVE AND LOSE THE FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT MORE MONEY.
IT'S A STRATEGY YOU CAN READ
ABOUT IN HIS BOOK:
"THE ART OF BEING BAD AT STUFF,"
PARENTHESES "INCLUDING BOOK
TITLING," NO END PARENTHESES.
AND EVEN MEMBERS OF HIS OWN
PARTY KNOW THIS IS BAD POLITICS.
WHEN HE'S RAISED THE PROSPECT
OF CUTTING OFF THESE SUBSIDIES
IN THE PAST, SOME HAVE MANAGED
TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT.
THE PROBLEM IS, REPUBLICANS
ARE PLAYING CHECKERS.
AND TRUMP IS PLAYING CHEX.
THAT'S RIGHT.
CHEX, THE GAME OF STRESS-EATING
CHEX MIX BECAUSE YOU DO NOT
UNDERSTAND YOUR JOB.
BECAUSE THAT WAS NOT THE ONLY
CASE THIS WEEK WHERE TRUMP ACTED
WITHOUT SEEMING TO FULLY
UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES.
>> IT IS OFFICIAL.
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP HAS SAID
THAT HE WILL NO LONGER CERTIFY
THAT IRAN IS COMPLYING WITH
THE NUCLEAR DEAL OR THAT IT IS
IN THE UNITED STATES'
NATIONAL INTEREST.
THIS GOES AGAINST WHAT HIS OWN
NATIONAL SECURITY TEAM AND ALL
THE ALLIES AND GLOBAL POWERS
THAT SIGNED THE DEAL ACTUALLY
BELIEVE.
>> John: EXACTLY, DONALD TRUMP
SEEMS TO BE PRETTY MUCH ALONE
ON THIS.
HIS DEFENSE SECRETARY THINKS
IRAN'S IN COMPLIANCE, AS DOES
HIS SECRETARY OF STATE,
AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT
MNUCHIN DOES AS WELL, BUT I'M
SO BLINDED BY THAT GUY'S
MOVIE-STAR HANDSOMENESS
THAT I CAN NO LONGER
HEAR ANYTHING HE SAYS.
PRIME BEEF, RIGHT?
PRIME.
BEEF.
RIGHT?
AM I RIGHT?
THE GUY IS HOT.
[APPLAUSE]
YOU DON'T MEAN IT.
NOW, THANKFULLY, TRUMP'S MOVE
DOES NOT INSTANTLY KILL
THE DEAL.
IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED, BUT
BASICALLY, CONGRESS PASSED A LAW
WHERE THE PRESIDENT HAS TO
RE-CERTIFY THE DEAL
EVERY 90 DAYS.
NO OTHER NATION HAS
A REQUIREMENT LIKE THIS,
BECAUSE IT'S STUPID.
AND NOW IT GOES TO CONGRESS,
WHOSE OPTIONS RANGE FROM DOING
NOTHING TO RESTORING SANCTIONS,
WHICH COULD BLOW THE WHOLE THING
UP.
THAT WOULD BE INSANE,
BECAUSE ESSENTIALLY EVERYONE --
INCLUDING THE AGENCY WHOSE JOB
IT IS TO MONITOR THIS -- AGREES
THAT IRAN IS IN COMPLIANCE.
SO WHY IS TRUMP DOING IT?
WELL, ON WEDNESDAY HE EXPLAINED
HIS -- WHAT WE'LL CALL
"THINKING."
>> I THINK IT WAS ONE OF THE
MOST INCOMPETENTLY DRAWN DEALS
I'VE EVER SEEN.
$150 BILLION GIVEN.
WE GOT NOTHING.
THEY GOT A PATH TO NUCLEAR
WEAPONS VERY QUICKLY.
AND THINK OF THIS ONE.
$1.7 BILLION IN CASH.
THIS IS CASH OUT OF YOUR POCKET.
WHAT -- YOU KNOW HOW MANY
AIRPLANE LOADS THAT MUST BE?
>> John: OKAY, FOR A START,
STOPPING IRAN GETTING A NUCLEAR
WEAPON IS NOT "GETTING NOTHING."
IT LITERALLY MAKES LIFE ON EARTH
SAFER.
AS FOR THE MONEY, WE DIDN'T GIVE
IT TO THEM.
ALL OF IT WAS THEIRS TO BEGIN
WITH.
IT WAS JUST FROZEN UNDER
SANCTIONS WE'VE NOW LIFTED OR,
IN THE CASE OF THAT PLANELOAD OF
CASH, IT WAS MONEY THEY PAID US
FOR MILITARY EQUIPMENT IN 1979,
THAT WE NEVER DELIVERED.
SO HE'S WRONG.
HE'S JUST WRONG.
HE JUST SAID A STRING OF THINGS
THAT WERE FACTUALLY INACCURATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
OH, YES, WE GOT HIM!
WE GOT HIM!
YES!
WAIT!
STOP!
WE DIDN'T GET HIM.
I JUST GOT A NEWS ALERT.
HE'S STILL THE PRESIDENT.
WE DIDN'T GET HIM.
YEAH, IT TURNS OUT
NOTHING MATTERS.
I'M SORRY.
HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS
TALKING ABOUT.
SO, AS I WAS SAYING, THE IRAN
DEAL NOW GOES TO CONGRESS.
BUT THEY CAN'T RENEGOTIATE IT,
BECAUSE THE DEAL ISN'T JUST
BETWEEN THE U.S. AND IRAN.
IT'S BETWEEN
ALL OF THESE PARTIES,
AND THEY'VE ALL BEEN PRETTY
CLEAR WHERE THEY STAND.
>> E.U. LEADERS ARE DEFENDING
THE CURRENT AGREEMENT AND THE
U.K., GERMANY AND FRANCE SAY
THAT THEY ARE COMMITTED
TO THE DEAL AS IS.
>> John: YEAH, OF COURSE THEY
DON'T WANT TO REOPEN THE DEAL.
THAT'S NOT HOW DEALS WORK.
IF YOU BUY A LAMP ON CRAIGSLIST
FOR $40, THEN THE DEAL IS ONE
PERSON GETS $40, ONE PERSON
GETS A LAMP.
ALSO, ONE OF YOU WILL GET
MURDERED, BUT FIGURING OUT
WHO GETS MURDERED AND HOW IS THE
JOIE DE VIVRE OF CRAIGSLIST.
AND AS IRAN'S FOREIGN MINISTER
POINTS OUT, THIS DECISION MAY
SEVERELY LIMIT THE ABILITY OF
TRUMP, OR INDEED ANY FUTURE
PRESIDENTS, TO MAKE DEALS
FROM NOW ON.
>> NOBODY ELSE WILL TRUST ANY
U.S. ADMINISTRATION TO ENGAGE
IN ANY LONG-TERM NEGOTIATION,
BECAUSE THE LENGTH OF ANY
COMMITMENT, THE DURATION OF ANY
COMMITMENT FROM NOW ON WITH ANY
U.S. ADMINISTRATION WILL BE THE
REMAINDER OF THE TERM
OF THAT PRESIDENT.
>> John: AND THAT IS A HUGE
PROBLEM.
COUNTRIES NEED TO KNOW AMERICA
WILL HONOR ITS AGREEMENTS
IF THEY DON'T, IT'S GOING TO BE
AN ISSUE NO MATTER THE NEXT
PRESIDENT.
NO MATTER WHO THAT PERSON IS,
WHETHER IT'S PRESIDENT WARREN
OR PRESIDENT KAINE OR --
MORE LIKELY,
PRESIDENT DONALD, JR.,
FOLLOWED BY PRESIDENT ERIC,
FOLLOWED BY PRESIDENT JARED
AND IVANKA.
THERE'S NO REASON TO EXPECT THAT
WON'T HAPPEN.
SO, THIS IRAN-DEAL DECISION
IS EQUAL PARTS DANGEROUS
AND BIZARRE.
TRUMP IS ASKING CONGRESS TO FIX
A DEAL THEY DON'T REALISTICALLY
HAVE THE ABILITY TO FIX.
FIXES, INCIDENTALLY, THAT MAY
VIOLATE THE DEAL, WHICH ALREADY
HAS A PROCESS FOR RESTORING
SANCTIONS IF IRAN
DOESN'T COMPLY, WHICH,
REMEMBER, EVERYONE AGREES
THAT THEY ARE.
AND HE ALSO THREATENED TO
PULL OUT OF THE DEAL HIMSELF,
EVEN THOUGH HIS SECRETARY
OF STATE HAD ALREADY SAID
HE WOULDN'T, BUT WHO KNOWS IF
THOSE TWO ARE EVEN SPEAKING,
CONSIDERING TILLERSON APPARENTLY
CALLED TRUMP A "FUCKING MORON,"
AND TRUMP PUBLICLY CHALLENGED
HIM TO AN I.Q. CONTEST
THIS WEEK.
LOOK, AS FOREIGN POLICIES GO,
THIS IS INCOHERENT.
YOU CAN'T CALL IT REALISM
OR IDEALISM OR NEOLIBERALISM.
YOU CAN BARELY CALL IT FOREIGN
POLICY.
THE THING IT'S CLOSEST TO IS
A SCARED MONKEY IN A SUBMARINE
RANDOMLY PUSHING BUTTONS.
AND SURE, THAT MIGHT BE FUN
TO WATCH UNTIL IT HITS YOU,
"OH SHIT, WE'RE ALL ON THE
SUBMARINE WITH THE MONKEY."
AND NOW THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW IT'S
AUTUMN AND THAT MEANS ONLY ONE
THING.
>> OH, BOY.
PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE.
>> A WHOLE SEASON IN A CUP OF
COFFEE.
>> YEAH, PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE.
>> IT'S OFFICIALLY PUMPKIN SPICE
LATTE.
>> IN SUMMER, YOU CAN'T GET IT.
>> NO, YOU CAN'T.
>> THE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE.
THAT SENT ME TO THE MOON.
>> I AM WAITING FOR THE PUMPKIN
LATTE AND TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT
SO I HAD TO STAY AWAY FROM IT.
THE PUMPKIN LATTE.
>> PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE!
>> FORGET ABOUT THE LEAVES.
AS SOON STARBUCKS HAS THAT
PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE.
>> AND THEY TAKE AWAY THE
PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE, I CRY A
>> DON'T CRY, HANDSOME ACTOR
MAN.
>> PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES ARE
DELICIOUS.
THEY SEEM WHOLESOME AND THEY ARE
ONLY A AVERAGE.
BUT ARE THEY RACIST?
>> LOVE YOUR PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE
COAT TYPE.
>> I DIDN'T WANT TO GO PUMPKIN
SPICE --
>> IS IT X-RATED?
>> WAIT.
>> THE BIGGER DEAL IS THIS MAPLE
PECAN LATTE.
IT'S GOING TO PUSH THE PUMPKIN
SPICE TO THE SIDE.
>> FUCK MAPLE PECAN.
PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES FOREVER!
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
EQUIFAX, THE COMPANY WHOSE NAME
SOUNDS LIKE A THEATRICAL
PRODUCTION IN WHICH DANIEL
RADCLIFFE PLAYS A HORSE THAT
FUCKS A FAX MACHINE.
EQUIFAX IS ONE OF THE
BIG THREE CREDIT REPORTING
AGENCIES, THE COMPANIES
WHO KEEP FINANCIAL DATA ON ALL
OF US, SO PEOPLE LIKE LENDERS
AND LANDLORDS CAN DECIDE WHETHER
OR NOT WE'RE TRUSTWORTHY.
SO EQUIFAX CONTROLS SOME OF OUR
MOST SENSITIVE INFORMATION,
AND ABOUT A MONTH AGO,
WE LEARNED THIS.
>> BREAKING NEWS FROM THE CREDIT
MONITORING COMPANY EQUIFAX.
CYBER THIEVES MAKING OFF
WITH PRIVATE INFORMATION OF 143
MILLION AMERICANS, NEARLY HALF
THE U.S. POPULATION.
>> John: IT'S ACTUALLY WORSE.
IT'S NOW ACTUALLY 145 MILLION.
AND I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS
AND BAD NEWS.
THE GOOD NEWS IS BY PRIVATE
INFORMATION,
THEY DON'T MEAN YOUR GOOGLE
SEARCH HISTORY.
SO NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THE TIME
YOU SEARCHED FOR "WARIO PORN
PARENTHESES REAL,"
OR "WORLD'S RICHEST DOGS
LOOKING FOR ASSISTANTS,"
OR "CAN LONELINESS CAUSE
THE FARTS?"
THE BAD NEWS IS, THE INFORMATION
THEY GOT COULD WELL BE ALL THIS.
>> IT'S YOUR NAME, SOCIAL
SECURITY NUMBER, BIRTH DATE,
DRIVER'S LICENSE, AND ADDRESSES
WHERE YOU LIVED, INFORMATION
THAT IS MOSTLY PERMANENT,
UNLESS YOU'RE IN FEDERAL WITNESS
PROTECTION.
>> John: WOW, OKAY, THAT SOUNDS
BAD, BUT HERE'S A SIMPLE
SOLUTION:
JUST MOVE 145 MILLION PEOPLE
INTO THE WITNESS PROTECTION
PROGRAM.
THAT MEANS JONESES?
YOU'RE THE THOMPSONS.
THOMPSONS?
YOU'RE THE CAMPBELLS.
CAMPBELLS, YOU'RE THE MENDOZAS.
MENDOZAS, YOU'RE THE JONESES.
WAIT, HOLD ON.
JONESES, YOU SHOULDN'T BE THERE.
I MADE YOU THE THOMPSONS!
NO, THOMPSONS!
I MADE YOU THE CAMPBELLS!
CAMPBELLS, YOU'RE THE MENDOZAS!
MENDOZAS, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
YOU SHOULD BE LIVING IN
THE JONESES' HOUSE IN PHOENIX!
OH, NO, I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID
PHOENIX!
OH, GOD, THE JONESES ARE DEAD!
THE JONESES ARE DEAD!
FORGET THE WHOLE PLAN!
I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP!
I'M SORRY FOR TRYING.
OH, THEY ARE DEAD!
AND I KNOW THERE MIGHT BE
YOUNGER PEOPLE WATCHING THIS
SAYING, "WELL, WHO CARES?
WE'RE THE FIRST GENERATION
TO ROUTINELY SEND PICTURES OF
OUR JUNK TO EACH OTHER OVER
THE INTERNET.
WHY SHOULD WE GIVE A SHIT
ABOUT SOMEONE SEEING OUR
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS?"
BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW CRIMINALS
CAN DO A LOT MORE WITH THAT
NUMBER THAN THEY CAN
WITH A PICTURE OF YOUR DICK.
>> THIS INFORMATION'S GONNA BE
SOLD LEFT AND RIGHT ON THE BLACK
MARKET.
PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE ABLE TO OPEN
UP CREDIT CARDS FOR THE REST OF
YOUR LIFE ONCE THEY HAVE THAT
INFORMATION.
>> THEY CAN GO OUT AND PURCHASE
A HOME IN YOUR NAME.
THEY CAN OPEN BANK ACCOUNTS,
TAKE CAR LOANS.
>> SOMEONE WHO HAS YOUR SOCIAL
SECURITY NUMBER COULD ACTUALLY
TAKE A JOB, THEY COULD FILE
TAXES, AND EVEN CLAIM YOUR KIDS
AS DEPENDENTS AND BE GONE WITH
YOUR REFUND BEFORE YOU EVER
ACTUALLY FILE A TAX RETURN.
>> John: NO, NO!
THE TAX BENEFIT IS THE WHOLE
POINT OF HAVING CHILDREN!
WITHOUT THAT, ALL YOU'RE LEFT
WITH IS YOUR ACTUAL CHILDREN,
WHICH, YOU KNOW...
UGH.
THE POINT IS,
THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.
AND IN ANY OTHER ERA, THIS
WOULD'VE BEEN THE BIGGEST NEWS
STORY FOR A MONTH, BUT NOW THAT
EVERY DAY'S HEADLINE IS SIMPLY
THE WORDS "EVERYTHING BATSHIT
BANANAS AGAIN TODAY,"
IT'S SLIPPED UNDER THE RADAR.
IT IS WORTH ASKING
HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?
THE SHORT ANSWER IS,
"THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE HAVE DONE
LITERALLY EVERYTHING WRONG."
AND LET'S START WITH JUST
THE WAY EQUIFAX TOLD US
ABOUT THE HACK.
IN EARLY SEPTEMBER,
THEIR THEN CEO RICK SMITH,
A MAN SO BLAND HE MAY AS WELL BE
CALLED "HUMAN PERSON"
OR "FRASIER RERUN," ISSUED
A TAPED APOLOGY, BUT HIS REMORSE
SEEMED A LITTLE LESS THAN
HEARTFELT.
>> ON JULY 29TH OF THIS YEAR,
WE DISCOVERED THAT ATTACKERS HAD
GAINED UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS
TO CERTAIN EQUIFAX DATA FILES.
THIS IS CLEARLY A DISAPPOINTING
EVENT AND ONE THAT STRIKES AT
THE HEART OF WHO WE ARE
AND WHAT WE DO.
>> John: HOLY SHIT.
RICK SMITH IS SO ALARMINGLY
MECHANICAL, YOU PROBABLY HAVE
TO PUT HIM IN RICE EVERY TIME
HE GETS WET.
NOW, NOTABLY, HE MENTIONED THERE
THAT EQUIFAX LEARNED ABOUT
THE BREACH ON JULY 29TH.
BUT EVEN MORE NOTABLY,
THAT VIDEO WAS UPLOADED IN
SEPTEMBER, WHICH IS, AND THIS IS
TRUE, AFTER JULY.
SO EQUIFAX KNEW ABOUT THE BREACH
FOR NEARLY SIX WEEKS BEFORE
TELLING THE PUBLIC.
AND THEY CLAIM THEY NEEDED THAT
TIME BECAUSE THEIR INVESTIGATION
WAS "COMPLEX
AND TIME-CONSUMING."
ALTHOUGH THAT'S NOT ALL THAT
HAPPENED IN THAT TIME SPAN.
>> THREE EQUIFAX EXECUTIVES SOLD
NEARLY $2 MILLION IN COMPANY
STOCK DAYS AFTER THE DATA BREACH
WAS DISCOVERED.
>> John: WOW, SELLING STOCK
BEFORE THE PUBLIC KNOWS THERE'S
A PROBLEM IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS
THAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUS, WHETHER
OR NOT YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING
SOMETHING WRONG, LIKE WALKING
INTO A PETTING ZOO
WITH A BIB ON.
WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU PLANNING
ON MESSILY DEVOURING?
AND EQUIFAX DEFENDED THAT,
SAYING, NONE OF THE EXECUTIVES
IN QUESTION, INCLUDING THEIR
CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER,
KNEW ABOUT THE DATA BREACH.
WHICH RAISES ANOTHER QUESTION,
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
DID THEY JUST IGNORE EMAILS
WITH THE SUBJECT LINE,
DATA.
YOU STARED BLANKLY AT ME AND
SAID I'M GOING TO ORDER FROM THE
SALAD PLACE."
AND IF YOU'RE GETTING FRUSTRATED
WITH THAT KIND OF INCOMPETENCE,
PACE YOURSELF, BECAUSE THIS
STORY GETS A LOT WORSE.
APPARENTLY, THERE WERE MULTIPLE
POINTS WHERE THIS HACK COULD'VE
BEEN PREVENTED.
AND ONE OF THEM IS INCREDIBLE,
BECAUSE EQUIFAX WERE ALERTED BY
HOMELAND SECURITY BACK IN MARCH
THAT THEY NEEDED TO FIX
A CRITICAL VULNERABILITY
IN THEIR SOFTWARE.
BUT AS LAWMAKERS DISCOVERED
AT A RECENT HEARING, THAT'S NOT
WHAT HAPPENED.
>> THERE WAS ONE PERSON,
APPARENTLY, WHO FORGOT TO TELL
SOMEBODY THAT THEY HAD A PIECE
OF SOFTWARE THAT NEEDED TO BE
PATCHED.
>> John: YEAH, IT'S NOT IDEAL
THAT A COMPANY GUARDING SUCH
VALUABLE INFORMATION LEAVES
SOMETHING THAT IMPORTANT DOWN
TO ONE PERSON.
IT'S LIKE FINDING OUT
CHASE BANK HAS A BIG RED BUTTON
LABELED "LOSE EVERYONE'S MONEY"
AND THE ONLY THING STOPPING
ANYONE FROM PUSHING IT IS FRANK.
AND LOOK, I LOVE FRANK,
I LOVE THE GUY,
BUT WHAT IF HE HAS TO PEE?
AND I'D LOVE TO SAY THIS IS
AN ANOMALY, BUT EQUIFAX HAS HAD
MULTIPLE HEADLINE-GRABBING
BREACHES OVER THE YEARS.
AND THAT'S NOT EVEN COUNTING
SMALLER INCIDENTS LIKE THIS.
>> I CHECKED MY CREDIT REPORT
THE OTHER DAY ONLINE WITH
EQUIFAX.
THAT WAS IT, AND NEXT THING
I KNOW, I HAVE 300 PIECES
OF MAIL SITTING IN MY MAILBOX.
>> EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE
IS ADDRESSED TO HER, BUT THEY'RE
NOT HERS.
INSTEAD, SHE GOT OTHER PEOPLE'S
CREDIT REPORTS.
NOW, NAMES, SOCIAL SECURITY
NUMBERS, DATES OF BIRTH, CURRENT
AND PREVIOUS ADDRESSES, BANK AND
LOAN ACCOUNT NUMBERS ALL STACKED
UP ON A KITCHEN TABLE
IN BIDDEFORD.
>> John: THAT'S NOT GREAT,
AND IT REALLY SHOULD'VE SET OFF
RED FLAGS AT EQUIFAX WHEN
HUNDREDS OF DIFFERENT CREDIT
REPORTS WERE
REPORTS WERE BEING MAILED TO THE
SAME ADDRESS.
WHAT DID YOU THINK HAPPENED?
THAT EVERY SINGLE FRAGGLE
CHECKED THEIR CREDIT AT ONCE
DOWN AT FRAGGLE ROCK?
VERY NICE.
AND I KNOW OTHER COMPANIES
HAVE HAD BREACHES, BUT NONE
REMOTELY AS DAMAGING AS THIS
NEW EQUIFAX ONE.
BECAUSE REMEMBER, THIS ISN'T
TARGET EXPOSING CUSTOMERS'
CREDIT CARDS.
THIS IS COMPROMISING
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS,
THE THINGS THIEVES COULD USE
TO OPEN NEW CREDIT CARDS
IN YOUR NAME.
AND IF YOUR INFORMATION WAS
STOLEN WHICH, REMEMBER,
IS ABOUT A 50-50 CHANCE
IT COULD HAUNT YOU FOREVER.
>> YOU DON'T CHANGE
YOUR BIRTH DATE.
YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR SOCIAL
SECURITY NUMBER.
THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN JEOPARDIZED
BY THIS HACK WILL HAVE TO
PROTECT THEMSELVES FOR YEARS
UNTIL THEY'RE DEAD.
>> John: IT'S TRUE.
AND THINK ABOUT IT THERE'S ONLY
ONE OTHER THING THAT YOU HAVE TO
CONSTANTLY PROTECT YOURSELF FROM
UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD.
AND THAT'S FUCKING DEATH.
AND YOU'D HOPE THAT EQUIFAX
WOULD DO A DECENT JOB OF
MITIGATING THE DAMAGE.
AFTER ALL, THEY HAD NEARLY SIX
WEEKS TO WORK ON A RESPONSE.
BUT INSTEAD, THEIR FUCKUPS
CONTINUED.
FOR INSTANCE, THEY CREATED
A WEBSITE FOR CONCERNED
CONSUMERS TO GO TO, BUT THEN
THIS HAPPENED.
>> THE SITE THAT EQUIFAX STARTED
IS CALLED EquifaxSecurity2017
BUT A DEVELOPER NAMED NICK
SWEETING WANTED TO SHOW HOW EASY
IT IS TO CREATE A SIMILAR,
FAKE SITE, SO HE DID.
HE CALLED IT
SecurityEquifax2017.
>> John: EXACTLY, SOMEONE
CREATED A FAKE SITE.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING,
"WHO'D BE DUMB ENOUGH
TO FALL FOR THAT?"
EQUIFAX, THAT'S WHO.
BECAUSE THEY TWEETED LINKS
TO THAT FAKE SITE
AT LEAST EIGHT TIMES.
DESPITE THE FACT THE SITE HAD
A COUPLE OF TINY CLUES THAT IT
MIGHT BE FAKE, FROM THE HEADLINE
READING, "WHY DID EQUIFAX USE
A DOMAIN THAT'S SO EASILY
IMPERSONATED BY PHISHING SITES?"
TO THE FACT THAT,
WHEN YOU CLICKED ON THEIR
"FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS,"
THIS HAPPENED.
>> ♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP ♪
♪ NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND ♪
♪ AND DESERT YOU ♪
>> John: WELL-PLAYED,
PRANKSTERS.
YOU HAVE MY RESPECT.
BUT DON'T WORRY, EQUIFAX HAS
TIGHTENED UP THEIR OPERATION.
AND TO SEE HOW WELL THEY'VE
DONE, YOU CAN JUST GO TO
EquifaxFraudPrevention.com.
NOT BECAUSE IT'S THEIR SITE,
BUT BECAUSE IT'S OUR SITE.
WE BOUGHT IT TWO DAYS AGO.
AND IF YOU GO THERE, YOU'LL FIND
THE MESSAGE, "HOW WERE WE STILL
ABLE TO DO THIS?
WHY HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED
ANYTHING?"
BUT WAIT, THERE'S EVEN MORE.
BECAUSE EQUIFAX ALSO OFFERED
CONSUMERS A YEAR OF FREE CREDIT
MONITORING.
BUT WHEN PEOPLE TRIED TO SIGN UP
FOR THE SERVICE, THEY NOTICED
SOMETHING.
>> GUESS WHAT, YOU LOCK INTO
EQUIFAX TERMS OF SERVICE WHEN
YOU SIGN UP FOR IT, WHICH MEANS
THAT YOU CAN'T SUE THE COMPANY.
YOU HAVE TO RESOLVE ANY DISPUTES
IN FORCED ARBITRATION.
>> John: EXACTLY, YOU'D BE
GIVING UP YOUR RIGHT TO SUE, SO
LEGALLY, YOUR BEST RECOURSE
WOULD BE SHAKING YOUR FIST AT
THE HEAVENS WHILE SHOUTING
"EQUIFAX!"
NOW, THEY'VE SINCE RESCINDED
THAT CLAUSE.
ALTHOUGH MANY FRUSTRATED PEOPLE
ARE NOW SIGNING UP FOR
THIRD-PARTY CREDIT-MONITORING
SERVICES LIKE LIFELOCK, WHO'VE
BEEN ADVERTISING EVERYWHERE,
AND HAVE SEEN A SURGE
IN BUSINESS IN THE WAKE OF
THE BREACH.
ALTHOUGH, IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING
LIFELOCK BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD
AT EQUIFAX, THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD KNOW.
>> ACCORDING TO FILINGS WITH THE
SEC, LIFELOCK PURCHASES CREDIT
MONITORING SERVICES
FROM EQUIFAX.
AND THAT MEANS SOMEONE BUYS
CREDIT MONITORING THROUGH
LIFELOCK, LIFELOCK TURNS AROUND
AND PASSES SOME OF THAT REVENUE
DIRECTLY ALONG TO EQUIFAX,
IS THAT RIGHT, MR. SMITH?
>> THAT IS CORRECT.
>> John: IT'S TRUE.
SOME OF THE MONEY
YOU PAY TO LIFELOCK GOES RIGHT
BACK TO FUCKING EQUIFAX, WHICH
COULD ONLY BE MORE INFURIATING
IF YOU THEN FOUND OUT THE REST
OF IT GOES TO TOYS FOR TODDS,
A CHARITY THAT PURCHASES
SEX TOYS FOR GROWN MEN
NAMED TODD.
BUY YOUR OWN SEX TOYS, TODD.
AND EQUIFAX CONNECTIONS ASIDE,
LIFELOCK HAS HAD REPEATED ISSUES
ITSELF, INCLUDING MULTIPLE
SETTLEMENTS WITH THE FTC
AND A TRULY DISASTROUS
AD CAMPAIGN A FEW YEARS BACK.
>> I'M TODD DAVIS.
AND I'M HERE TO PROVE JUST HOW
SAFE YOUR IDENTITY CAN BE
WITH LIFELOCK.
THAT'S MY REAL SOCIAL SECURITY
NUMBER.
>> John: YEAH.
LIFELOCK'S THEN-CEO, TODD DAVIS,
ACTUALLY PUT HIS REAL SOCIAL
SECURITY NUMBER,
457-55-5462, ON A TRUCK
AND BILLBOARDS.
FOR A TIME, IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE
TO ESCAPE HIS SOCIAL SECURITY
NUMBER.
457-55-5462.
IT WAS A COCKY MOVE AND ONE THAT
RESULTED IN HIM HAVING
HIS IDENTITY STOLEN 13 TIMES.
AND I'M GUESSING THE DEFENSE
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO TOOK IT WAS,
"I DIDN'T STEAL HIS IDENTITY.
I LITERALLY GOT IT OFF
THE BACK OF A TRUCK."
SO TO PUT IT MILDLY, LIFELOCK
MAY NOT BE YOUR BEST SOLUTION
TO THE EQUIFAX CRISIS.
SO WHAT IS?
WELL, CONSUMER ADVOCATES TOLD US
THE ONE BIG STEP EVERYONE SHOULD
TAKE IS GO TO ALL THREE LARGE
CREDIT-REPORTING COMPANIES.
THAT'S EQUIFAX, EXPERIAN,
AND TRANSUNION, AND FREEZE
YOUR CREDIT.
THAT WAY, NO ONE CAN ACCESS IT,
INCLUDING YOU, UNTIL YOU
UN-FREEZE IT.
NOW, THE COMPANIES ALSO OFFER
THEIR OWN CREDIT-PROTECTION
PRODUCTS, WITH NAMES LIKE
"TRUSTED ID," OR "CREDIT LOCK
PLUS," BUT THEY'RE OFTEN MORE
EXPENSIVE AND OFFER FEWER
CONSUMER PROTECTIONS.
IF YOU NEED A WAY TO REMEMBER
IT, LOCKS ARE SOMETHING
YOU DON'T WANT.
THINK OF JUSTIN BIEBER'S
DREADLOCKS.
A TERRIBLE DECISION.
WHEREAS FREEZES ARE GREAT.
THINK OF THIS TINY PENGUIN
LOSING ITS FROZEN MIND.
♪ ♪
SEE?
SO, TO RECAP.
LOCKS?
YUCK.
FREEZES?
WHEE!
NOW, HERE'S THE THING.
FREEZING AND UNFREEZING
YOUR CREDIT CAN COST MONEY,
WHICH WILL GO BACK TO
THESE COMPANIES.
BECAUSE SEEMINGLY, THEY JUST
CAN'T FUCKING LOSE.
AND IF YOU NEED ANY MORE PROOF
OF THAT, ON THE VERY SAME DAY
THAT CONGRESS WAS YELLING AT
EQUIFAX'S FORMER CEO, IT EMERGED
THAT THE COMPANY HAD JUST BEEN
AWARDED A $7 MILLION CONTRACT
BY THE IRS TO PREVENT FRAUD.
WHICH LED ONE SENATOR TO MAKE
A PRETTY BRUTAL COMPARISON.
>> YOU REALIZE TO MANY AMERICANS
RIGHT NOW THAT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE
GIVING LINDSAY LOHAN THE KEYS
TO THE MINIBAR.
>> I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT.
>> John: THAT WAS THE PAUSE
OF A MAN THINKING,
"DO I LET THAT PASS?
DO I CORRECT HIM ON HOW
TO PRONOUNCE LOHAN?
OR DO I DOUBLE DOWN
AND PRONOUNCE HER NAME
LINGONBERRY LOHONEYBALONEY?"
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IRS
DEAL HAS BEEN SUSPENDED.
NOT CANCELED, BY THE WAY,
JUST SUSPENDED,
WHICH MIGHT MAKE YOU ANGRY.
THE PROBLEM IS, THAT ANGER WON'T
HAVE MUCH IMPACT ON EQUIFAX.
THEY MAKE MOST OF THEIR MONEY
SELLING OUR DATA TO BUSINESSES
LIKE BANKS.
SO IN THEIR EYES, WE'RE NOT
THE CONSUMER.
WE'RE THE PRODUCT.
TO THINK OF IT IN TERMS OF KFC,
WE'RE NOT THE GUY BUYING THE
TEN-PIECE BUCKETS.
WE'RE THE FUCKING CHICKENS.
SO FOR THE TIME BEING,
BUSINESSES ARE THE ONLY ONES
WHO CAN EXERT INFLUENCE HERE.
AND AS ONE COLORFULLY DRESSED
EXPERT POINTED OUT, THAT'S NOT
GOING TO HAPPEN ANYTIME SOON.
>> I HAVEN'T HEARD ANY BIG
COMPANY COME OUT YET AND SAY
WE'RE NOT GOING TO USE EQUIFAX
ANYMORE FOR THEIR CREDIT SCORES.
>> GOOD POINT.
>> SO FAR, EVERYBODY'S BEEN
QUIET, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE WAITING TO HEAR.
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
THEY SHOULD BE DONE.
BUT I BET YOU BECAUSE
IT'S AMERICA, THEY'LL BE OKAY.
>> John: HERE'S THE THING.
THAT ANGRY BUSINESS-CASUAL
FARM ANIMAL ON FOX BUSINESS
IS TALKING SENSE.
AND THAT SENTENCE SHOWS JUST HOW
BAD THINGS ARE.
SO IN THE LONG TERM, THERE
SHOULD CLEARLY BE A MAJOR REFORM
TO THIS INDUSTRY AND HOW
IT'S REGULATED.
BUT THAT'S GOING TO TAKE TIME.
UNTIL THEN, YOU NEED TO FREEZE
YOUR CREDIT REPORTS WITH
ALL THREE OF THESE COMPANIES,
AND ONLY UN-FREEZE THEM WHEN YOU
NEED TO APPLY FOR CREDIT.
AND BECAUSE THE FREEZE OPTION
CAN BE HARD TO FIND ON THEIR
SITES, IF YOU GO TO OUR TWITTER
FEED, WE WILL GIVE YOU THE EXACT
LINKS TO DO IT.
AND WHEN YOU DO, THEY'LL GIVE
YOU A PIN NUMBER THAT YOU NEED
TO UN-FREEZE IT, SO DON'T LOSE
THAT, OR AT LEAST MAKE IT
SOMETHING MEMORABLE,
LIKE 457-55-5462.
BUT NOT THAT.
BECAUSE OF COURSE,
THAT'S TODD DAVIS'S
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.
AND NOW THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW:
NEW YORK CITY MAYORAL CANDIDATE
BO DIETL MAKES A SPLASH.
>> WE BEGIN WITH OPENING
STATEMENTS.
>> I'VE GOT TO SAY GO, YANKEES.
I WAS MUGGED 500 TIMES.
STABBED, SHOT AT, HOSPITALIZED.
WHAT DID YOU MAKE LAST YEAR?
I MADE 1.8 MILLION.
IF I HAD MY HEAD IN A POTATO
FIELD AND I LISTENED TO THIS
MAN, I WOULD SAY I WOULD VOTE
FOR HIM TOO.
THE GUY WAS GUARDING MOOSE.
>> MR. DIETL.
I HAVEN'T ASKED THE QUESTION
YET.
>> ME A NEW, GENERAL POPULATION.
>> THIS IS ONE OF THE ISSUES IN
WHICH OUR MAYOR HAS --
>> WHAT IS THAT WALL?
WHAT ARE WE HIDING?
IS IT THE BERLIN WALL?
>> IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THE
RULES.
>> TO THE ASSEMBLY MEMBER.
ONLY ONE.
>> TURN OFF DIETL'S MIC.
YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING.
>> YOU SAID "A MUSLIM GUY WHO
WORKS FOR THE STATE WAS TO BLAME
FOR YOUR PROBLEMS."
YOU REFERRED TO YOUR ATTORNEY AS
YOUR "JEWISH LAWYER" AND YOU
SAID YOU KNEW YOU LOST YOUR
COURT BATTLE AND YOU ARE TRYING
TO RUN THIS A DEMOGRAPHIC IS THE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN JUDGE, YOU
SAID, IT LOOKED LIKE BILL
DE BLASIO'S WIFE.
>> YOU ARE WRONG, WHAT YOU JUST
SAID.
ALL I SAID WAS THE JUDGE WAS
VERY FAMILIAR LOOKING, AS THE
MAYOR'S WIFE.
TWO BEAUTIFUL EYES AND A SMILE
AND THEY LOOKED SIMILAR.
I NEVER USED THE WORD
AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
OKAY, OKAY.
>> ALL
ALL RIGHT.
TURN OFF THE MIC.
THANKS FOR WATCHING.
THESE VOTE NEXT MONTH.
>> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
GOOD NIGHT!